One of the things our society doesn't do well is honor liminal spaces, even though we go through many in our lives. Puberty, coming of age, giving birth, celebrating a romantic union, and dying are all liminal spaces.
In many cultures and spiritual traditions, liminal spaces are holy. They are a place of reflection: looking back and looking forward. They are also places of change and stress.
I have been through a few kinds of liminal spaces that I have been consciously aware of, but this space, this space of making such a big transition, is probably the most profound liminal space of my life.
I'm impatient. I have 151 days until my top surgery. I have been on T for 3 days (in an hour or so.) And part of me wants to hurry everything up - I want the time to fly, and the changes to happen fast, so I get to where I'm going.
Except I realize that if I don't pay attention to this liminal space, I will miss an opportunity. An opportunity to pay attention to the holiness of this change. All of the ways that it's so right, and the ways that it's huge, for me and for the people I know.
I want to use this time, this in-between time, to appreciate myself, both in my feminine aspect, which I'm not eliminating, or putting aside, but greatly changing its place in my life, and in my body, as my masculine aspect comes front and center.
I want to use this time to reflect on all of the complexities of this change I'm undergoing. I don't want to rush through it - I don't want to miss the wisdom, learning, and holiness of this time.